Father's Day: something I never used to give a second thought about. Growing up, I never really had a father figure in my life. I did however have my wonderful grandmother taking on both roles of a mother and father. For the longest time, that was something I never really talked about, but it bothered me to the core. Late nights of wondering why my parents had given up custody, instead of wanting to take care of me. As I got older I started understanding, but it was right after I had my son that I fully realized what they actually did. I was so appreciative they'd taken that step to give me the best life I wouldn't have been able to receive otherwise.

Hope everyone's having a fabulous day! Tori here for my second and final installment of #BATBMASKMAY!


Mask:
Hask Argan Oil Intense Deep Conditioning Hair Treatment with Keratin

I've been wearing a mask for so long
Hindering my ability to let people see me for who I really am
It's hard to breathe behind this mask 
It's getting hot

 - The Mask, Dominic Latino

Okay, the use of a rather serious poem at the beginning of a mud mask review may seem weird, but I promise you're going to laugh when you've read my full review and go back. It'll all make sense, my children.

Let's get started!



Mask:
April Skin Mummy Mud Mask. ($23.95 for a pack of 5, and you can get it here)

What Benefits It Claims It Has:
This mask claims to help remove impurities and dead skin; provides pore care without irritation; excellent adhesion; Natural minerals contained in Hawaiian clay gently soothe the skin; Mud softens facial contours; Helps with skin elasticity.

What It Feels Like Once Applied:
This is where the poem comes in. The mask wasn't sticking very well to my skin, and keep peeling off. Really, I kind of did look like a mummy because of that, but I like my masks to be muddy and weird. I think if I laid down maybe that would help, but I had emails to send and I have a tendency to drop my phone on my face if I lay down and use it. Don't judge me, only God can do that. Anyway, a friend of mine told me it would dry super hard, and it never really did that for me, so I felt kind of like I was smothering under the mask. I'll get more into that later in the post, though. It was drier at the end than it was when it was applied, but it never got crunchy and satisfying. I think I need practice in order to rectify that situation though, so we'll see.

Was It Easy To Wash Off?
This is a peel-off mask, so clean up was nice and minimal. After about half an hour of wearing the mask I was able to successfully peel it off with only a tiny bit of residue, which washed right off!

My Over-All Opinion of This Mask:
I'm very wary of the masks I use, because I don't want to overwhelm my skin. That being said, I do like this mask a lot, and fully plan on buying a full 5 pack. I love mud masks more than I do the typical run of the mill masks though, so I knew this would be a win for me. When I wear them it feels like I'm really doing some real beauty work, okay? The mask went on with a cool feel, and it really was soothing for my skin. However, like I said, it wouldn't really dry, so I'm tempted to think I did something wrong. The only place it did dry was around my nose... and when I say that I really mean that this mask tried to smother me. I couldn't breathe for a quick minute, y'all. It dried up straight over my nostrils and my life flashed before my eyes in that bathroom where I was hiding from my husband so he wouldn't see me in my shame. I love masks, but we all know that's not what we want our men to envision when they lay their head down at night. When I took the mask off, I was shiny and glowing like a sweaty little mud angel. Did it do miracles? No, but this was  my first application so only time will tell.

A tip I would share with those looking to try this mask is this: Use coconut oil on your brows and around your hairline! My brows escaped this mask intact and I have the nectar of the gods coconut oil to thank!

All in all, I give the April Skin Mummy Mud Mask a solid 8 out of 10 stars! If you've ever used this mask, please let me know in the comments below! Don't forget to share your masks with us and tag us at #BATBMASKMAY!

     When you are little and are playing house or think about having babies, it's easy. You know that you fall in love, you get married and when you want to have a baby, you just do. Without complication, without worry, and without disappointment... then you grow up. When I was 19 I got pregnant for the very first time. I had been married for a year and I was excited that we were going to grow our family so quickly, until I woke up in the middle of the night in pain. I assumed that it was normal and went to my doctor appointment, as planned, the next morning. I was told that my levels were low and I would need to take Progesterone to try and aid in keeping my pregnancy going but it was too late. Within 24 hours I was miscarrying completely and that was it. I was no longer pregnant and I was expected to carry on as if nothing was wrong, which I did, pretty darn well might I add, I held myself together and stayed positive. Doctors assured me that this happens a lot and I had no reason to worry about it happening again.  Fast forward five years and, the guy that I thought was perfect, wasn't perfect for me. I met my now husband, David, at work and we have been inseparable for almost nine years now, four of those married. :)

    Everything was falling into place and I assumed that my last pregnancy didn't work out because i wasn't with the right person so when I had my second positive pregnancy test I knew that it wasn't the perfect time but it was with the right guy and that was perfect enough for me. Unfortunately, that pregnancy was cut short at 6 weeks, just like the first. I was taking the vitamins and I was taking the progesterone so I was completely stunned when they told me there was no heartbeat at my first ultrasound. Even then, I stayed positive. I was in my early twenties, I had plenty of time to have a child and the doctors were encouraging in that it was just a fluke.1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage and even though some may have 1-3 miscarriages they usually go on to have healthy babies so why would I think I was any different? A year later, another positive pregnancy test! Six weeks go by and before I could even get to the doctor, another miscarriage. I went to my gynecologist and asked what could be done. So, I had tests ran, nothing. I had scans done,--reproductive organs look great!-- It was very confusing when they would say, "These things just happen sometimes." Right, but why? Why me?



   The next year I had my fourth miscarriage, I don't even remember much of it. I do remember thinking, "Whatever, why do I even try?" I stayed in bed and just dealt with the pain until it went away...physically. Emotionally, I pulled myself together for family members that had baby showers, friends that announced their pregnancies and birthday parties for babies that were turning one. As someone that has dealt with sickness her whole life, I don't like pity and I do NOT want anyone to feel sorry for me. I am definitely a person who understands that we all have our battles and where I struggle with one thing I excel where someone else falls short. It wasn't until my fifth miscarriage that it really hit me, I may never have children. It was the hardest because there were two sacs, twins, I heard a heartbeat two weeks prior and I thought that it was finally happening. My mom went to the next ultrasound with me and as soon as the screen lit up I knew something was wrong. There was no change from the last ultrasound, no growth, no heartbeats, just empty sacs. I broke down with my mom, the nurse and the doctor in the room with me. We decided to wait over the weekend before deciding to have a D&E, due to there being two sacs my body wasn't passing them on its own and I had ALWAYS preferred to let it happen naturally so I was extremely upset that I was going to have to have a procedure that, with one wrong move, could cause serious complications. I spent that weekend in denial and swore that they were fine, I refused to believe that I was not pregnant anymore until Monday morning when I saw that they were definitely not growing and there was nothing I could do. December 6,2011 I had a D&E and was sent home to lay in pain, no longer pregnant. I told David that if he had his heart set on having his own children then I would not hate him for leaving me and finding someone that could give him that.He told me that he loved me, I would be a mom and we would get through it together. On January 28,2012 we were married and on February 28,2012 we were pregnant. I went straight to the doctor who immediately put me on progesterone and baby aspirin, as well as regular office visits every two weeks.
                               

   Bristol Kinleigh was born November 13,2012 at 9:47pm after 32 hours of labor and a cesarean due to my body not allowing her to go through the birth canal. She weighed 9lbs and was 21 inches long with a head full of hair. My pregnancy with her was a breeze. I had zero morning sickness, I gained 25 lbs and the only issue I had was gestational diabetes within the last few weeks which did result in insulin shots four times a day. When I was finally able to hold her I immediately wanted them to put her back in my stomach, she was safe there and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I was 29 years old and clueless even though I had told myself I knew what to do because I had babysat, I had a niece and nephew so that's all you need right? Wrong. I was so wrong. Even then,as clueless as I was, she was a wonderful baby. On her second night home she slept through the night and I woke up terrified that she wasn't breathing. Every thing was perfect and we just knew that when we were ready to have a second child there would be no problems and we would know what to do. Again,we were wrong.
                                  
On Bristol's first birthday I had my sixth miscarriage. I kept it quiet for a few days because I was celebrating the miracle who just turned one and I was blessed but I was still a little heartbroken. Selfishly, I wanted to give my husband a son. He is the only boy in his family and I knew how much he wanted a son. So, I went to a doctor more suited for my situation and after A LOT of tests I was diagnosed with Thrombophilia. Thrombophilia is a condition where the blood has an increased tendency to form clots. Blood clots can cause problems such as deep vein thrombosis (DVT) or pulmonary embolism. I also found out that my body has a hormone imbalance that was preventing me from creating a placenta, which is why the previous pregnancies would go no further than 6-8 weeks. That with the clotting disorder is what was causing my recurring miscarriages.

     In late January of 2014 I was pregnant again, this time I KNEW, with a boy. We went to the doctor, I was put on progesterone (AGAIN) and Lovenox shots. Every day, for nine months, I had to inject medicine into my stomach to help keep clots from forming but I would have injected 200 shots a day for my baby. (Okay, that may be pushing it. ;) ) I was due October 3,2014 and he was definitely a boy! I. WAS. ECSTATIC. Until August when I kept getting double vision, dizziness and headaches. I went to the doctor for a stress test and was immediately put on bed rest. My liver enzymes were elevated, my blood pressure was through the roof and, if I didn't want to be hospitalized, I was not to be up more that fifteen minutes at a time. The boy was trying to kill me and I fully intend on telling him that when he gets older. (Kidding...maybe!) We waited until 37 weeks and we could not wait any longer, Granger Allen was born on September 19,2014 at 6:00pm weighing in at 7lb 6oz and 19 3/4 inches long via repeat cesarean with a head full of blonde hair. He was here, he was healthy and he completed our family, not by being a boy, but just by being born.


     I now have a threenager who thinks that she is the cutest girl to ever be born and I may be bias but I have to agree with her. She loves to do her own makeup, brush her teeth, look at herself in the mirror and pretend as if she is doing YouTube videos. I often post the silly things she says on Facebook because I am certain that she was born talking and even though she can ramble on for hours (like her momma) we wouldn't change her sass for the world. Her favorite things are barbie dolls, baby dolls, surprise eggs, skirts, dresses, and purses. When it comes to my son, he truly is a rough housing little boy. That smile gets him out of trouble and he knows how to use it to his advantage, with anyone. If you hand him a toy that has wheels on it he will play with it for hours. He loves trains, cars and planes as well as balls. He will yell, "BALL!!", the second that he catches a glimpse of one and he can keep himself entertained with that one ball for as long as you will let him or until you offer him something to eat because I am pretty sure his stomach is a bottomless pit! I could complain on end about how my oldest will knock her brother down just because he is younger or how he will jump on her just to get her attention. I could rant about how they fight over the same toy (that neither one wanted to play with until the other one started playing with it), and I do complain, every mother does. All in all, I will take all of the things that they do that pushes my buttons, because that means that I have the angels that I always prayed for.
                                    

   I'm often told I'm strong, I'm brave and I then get asked how I could keep trying after so much trouble but, the truth is, there was no giving up for me. I may have been told there was a possibility I would never bear my own children but I knew that wasn't the case for me. I know how it feels to be repeatedly asked if you want to have children. I know how it feels to be invited to baby showers and birthday parties when you know you will be surrounded by adorable kids and people that will ask when you will be having your own. I know how it feels to see people not care about the precious babies they have at home and continue to do drugs while pregnant. It all hurts, but it's something that you have to deal with in your own way or it will defeat you. I am lucky enough to be surrounded by family, friends and most definitely a husband who has never treated me as if I am broken. I have an amazing support system and even though it took ten years, six miscarriages, a lot of tests and even more medication, I am blessed with two kids who make me laugh every single day. I hate the saying, "this is what women's bodies are made to do." As if my body has some how betrayed me and I am not "fit" to bear children. We are all different and thankfully with the advancements in medicine and technology, those of us who have complications are able to get more answers and have a greater chance of getting the things we so desperately want. I wanted nothing more than to be a mother and I am thankful EVERY. SINGLE. DAY that I get to complain about messes, about whiny kids that need a nap, about being exhausted, about watching Caillou for, what feels like, the one millionth time and for the fact that I get so frustrated when they fight because getting slobbery kisses and hearing "I love you" from the only ones who know what your heartbeat sounds like from the inside, is the best feeling in the world.

a
Dear Young Mama,

   
    Hey guys! It's Chasity. I previously and briefly stated that I was in foster care, that my biological parents were very abusive, and in result of that I have suffered with manic depression, PTSD, and anxiety. Mother's Day is approaching, and it never gets easier. Not just Mother's Day, but with any holiday. This will be my third Mother's Day as a mother and the first with my second child, who is my rainbow baby. Seeing everyone spending their days with their great mothers and seeing photos of the love that is filled in the Mother's and child's eyes as they hold each other is difficult, to say the least.
    As I hold my sweet son every single day I question why my biological mother never felt the love that consumes my soul. For many years I thought there was something wrong with me. That I must just be unlovable if the person who birthed me couldn't love me. If the main person set on this Earth to love me would rather bring me pain how could anyone else love me? I spent years questioning every single thing about myself, to the point where I almost hated who I was. I began to seek love in places...that would never give me love. I pushed people who did love me away, because they would just bring me pain or leave me too...right?
    When Langston cries my heart clinches, when he has to get shots I cry with him, when he is sick I worry and cry with/ for him. He is my heart. I want to protect him from any pain this world will bring him. I thought before I ever became a mother it was hard dealing with the love I was shorted out on from my own, but I just didn't know. Feeling the love I have for my children I can't fathom how she didn't feel that same love. She just didn't. She didn't protect me. She didn't cry with me. She didn't come when I needed her. She just didn't. Instead of protecting me when my biological father would come to beat her she would throw me or hold me in front of her. I became her shield. If she saw him hurting me...she watched. She looked on as I was molested. She WATCHED her child suffer and did nothing.
    Langston's needs have always come before my own. When he was a newborn I even used the bathroom on myself because I was trying to change, feed, or soothe him. Sure I could have set him down and let him cry for two minutes, but I couldn't bear to do that. As mothers, we tend to forget about ourselves, but my biological mother never thought of her children. Many times she sat and ate in front of us knowing we hadn't eaten anything in days.
    When my three siblings and I were taken into foster care she had a chance to get us back. The deal was if she left my bio father then she could have us and help would be given for childcare and bills. She didn't choose us. She never chose me. She never chose any of my siblings. She picked an abusive little boy over her own children. Yes, my bio father was in his 30s, but that doesn't make him a man, so I'm going to describe him as a little boy. When my first baby was stillborn my world shattered. I felt like I couldn't even breathe. I would've given any single thing to have him here. I would have given my own life for him to live. The chance to watch him grow, laugh, play, to change his diaper, or even bathe him was taken from me. I cannot imagine willfully giving my children up. That's not a thought my mind can comprehend.
    Not too long ago she wrote me a letter. I obsessed over this letter. I read it everyday. In this letter, she tried to tell me what happened didn't really happen. That because things that were done to me weren't in court documents it wasn't valid. A little into the letter she tried to take credit for who I am today, for things I have accomplished. She doesn't get to do that. She doesn't get to take credit and act like she did something great with me to make me the person I am today. If anything she made me set out to never become who she is. She also said that I needed to stop referring to her as her given name and call her mom, because "I am your mother". Just because you give birth to a child that doesn't make you that child's mother. 
    I decided to ask my Facebook friends what their personal definition of a mother was, and mostly everyone had the same idea. A mother is unconditional love, the person you have the strongest bond with, a mother does anything and everything for her children, she gives her last drop to her children, protector, boo-boo kisser, makes you feel happy and last but not least provider. Not one single person said "some who gives birth to a child". There is so much more to being a mother than birthing a tiny human. Motherhood holds so much beauty, and I am so very thankful I got the opportunity to be a mother to such a beautiful little boy.
    I cannot call my biological mother "mom" because she has never been a mom. I am almost 21 years old and I cannot think of one time she was a mother to me. It used to make me so angry when people who knew her would tell me how much she loves me. All I could think is "Then why doesn't she say that? Why have I not heard from this person in years, this person that loves me oh so much. Why did she bring me so much pain? If she loves me then why did she give me a life that I spend forever trying to overcome?" It's because she didn't. She just didn't. She never loved me unconditionally. She never chose me.
    If you are reading this just know that I choose me. I choose love. I choose my son every single day. I choose to be the mother and woman you never were. I choose to not need you or your love.

Me wa Kuchi hodo ni mono o ii.
The eyes speak as much as the mouth. (Love needs no words)
- Japanese Proverb

Hey friends! Today's post is coming to you from Ricki, and I've got a lot to tell y'all today! I've mentioned in post or two on this blog that I'm trying to do something super scary this last few months: love myself. I've been noticing a lot of close friends struggling with taking care of themselves, and it's so easy to do that when we get stressed or tired. Remember that even when times are tough, you are important, and you deserve to be taken care of. Here are 10 of the most helpful ways I love myself every day!



1. Care for yourself the way you'd care for your younger self.
Okay so this is one of my favorites because it honestly changed my entire thought process on self love, and it's so simple. You can love yourself simply by looking at yourself from another point of view. When you're anxious, instead of berating yourself and beating yourself up, treat your anxious side like you would treat a friend. If your friend was nervous about a paper they had due or a project they were turning in at work, wouldn't you reassure them that they're wonderful and things will be okay? It's never a bad thing to take a step back and try to view things in a different light when it comes to your appearance, your thoughts, and your feelings. Feel free to love and take care of yourself as you would a younger version of yourself that needed someone to support them. :)

2. Fake it 'til you make it.

Take it from Tina here (I love Tina Belcher, by the way, and if you don't love her too we can't be friends): if you believe you're beautiful, you will be. I look back at photos of me when I was in a dark place, and I notice there is a spark missing. I literally feel brighter now that I'm actively practicing self love, like there was a light inside me that was switched off simply because I didn't believe it was there. At first I was definitely faking it. "I am beautiful just as I am," I would tell myself, while simultaneously thinking I'd like to hurl my beautiful self into a wood chipper. Okay, that's a bit extreme, but you get the gist. Anyway, as soon as I stopped telling myself all the bad things about me, other people magically did too. I never realized it, but people saw me pointing out all of the negatives about myself and subconsciously perceived that as an "okay" to point them out too. Even when I was just acting like I thought I was the best thing since sliced bread, the universe responded, propelling me forward until I no longer was acting, and I just knew I was the bees knees, as if I never knew anything different and some parts of my inner babe were just busy doing other things instead of catching up to this truth. So, play a part. Tell yourself you are amazing, beautiful, majestic, that the sun shines our of your booty. Play the part. Become the character. Win an Oscar. ?????. Profit.

3. Don't be ashamed of your recovery/journey
I used to think my past was embarrassing, and that it was shameful and childish that I used to treat my body the way I did before I recovered from my eating disorder. Even now, I typed that first sentence out and deleted it about 12 times, afraid of the reaction I would get when I used that term. I've briefly mentioned my recovery on this blog in my introduction post, as it's something I actively have to work on even 3 years later, and while I most certainly don't go screeching from the mountaintops about it, I don't hide it anymore. When I started opening up about it a bit more, it helped others to understand why I try to be positive about my appearance and why I do certain things. Loving oneself is much easier when there is a support system backing you up, so please don't be ashamed or afraid to share with your loved ones that you are trying to be more positive! Those who love you will love you all the more for wanting to better yourself and they will support you, whatever your reasoning may be.

4. Learn yourself.
Practice being quiet and alone with your thoughts. Maybe think up a cute nickname for yourself, and use it when you think to yourself (I know this one sounds super weird but I swear if you tell yourself to wake up and go to work, sweetie, it perks you up just a little bit. Really. I'm not crazy.). Have small conversations with yourself, learn how you work. I knew someone who used to tell me they "knew me better than I knew myself" very often, and while at the time I viewed this as endearing, now it's not so cute. No one should know you more than you know you, and no one is going to be capable of loving you like you can. Get to know yourself, and be your own best friend, soulmate, sister, etc. Learn how you like things done and do them for yourself, as there are always going to be times when you are alone, and these are not times you need to be upset or stressed, these should be times of contentment. You can feel free to enjoy your own company.



5. Keep a list of positive quotes available whenever you need them.



One of my favorites from Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love.

6. Try to remember that no one is perfect
And more than likely no one is nitpicking your appearance but YOU.
Okay so let's be real, do you remember what Sarah-from-work was wearing yesterday? Okay how about today? No? Yeah me either, so I'm going to be crystal clear with you here and let you know she probably doesn't give a hoot what you were wearing or what you looked like either. I swear, this was the best realization ever, because I no longer stressed so much about looking perfect once I started reminding myself of this. Also, it's easier to justify buying really cute red pants if I no longer have to follow the "You can only wear these once a week" rule so that's cool.

7. Surround yourself with positive people.
It's so easy to be down on yourself if you associate with others who are down on themselves, or worse, bringing YOU down! I know this one can be hard because once you have your preferred group of friends, change is scary, but once you decide you're going to be positive, those who want to follow in your footsteps will do so, and ones who don't want to get with the program simply will not. When you radiate love and happiness, you will find that like-minded people will gravitate towards you.

8. Surround yourself with positive things.
Open your windows and let light in. Print out quotes to hang on the walls. Buy those nice plates that make you feel accomplished when you make dinner. Take a day to clean your house. Make your normal environments good ones, so that at the very least you can have somewhere to escape to when the outside world is eating away at your aura.

9: Have a playlist/song ready to pump you up when you need a boost!

Try by Colbie Caillat is absolutely my go-to, and another of my favorites is Nobody In The World by John Legend. I actually have a playlist full of songs to pump me up, so feel free to create your own!


10. Remember, it's okay to be selfish sometimes.
I breathe. I breathe. I breathe. It's okay to be selfish sometimes. I tell myself this when I should be doing laundry but I need a break. I tell myself this when I don't need a new lipstick, but I need a pick me up. I tell myself this when I just want to soak in the bath 5 more minutes, but I hear my kid thundering around outside in my room impatiently and I really should get out and attend to him... but I continue to soak anyway. Say it with me, It's okay to be selfish sometimes. It. Is. Okay.

Tell me, beauties (and gentlebabes), how do you love yourself? Whats one thing that helps you when you are feeling low? Leave your tips and your love in the comments below!

Until next time!

Hope you're having a fabulous day! Tori here and today I wanted to share with you four of my favorite, not only super delicious, but also fast, and easy recipes that I've compiled from pinterest. Being someone who keeps an eye out for meals in this category, I thought who wouldn't be interested in possibly finding a new dish to try out? Whether you're in a pinch for time, or just want to have a laid back night of cooking, these foods are perfect for either occasion. They also have a 10 minute or less prep time, so how can you beat that? I know these meals have made long days with my son and crazy days with military life SO much easier!



Ingredients:

• 1 lb. spaghetti noodles
• 1 20-25 oz. jar teriyaki sauce
• 2-3 chicken breasts

Directions:

• Boil the spaghetti noodles until tender.

• Cook chicken in skillet until done all the way through.

• After everything's prepared, pour sauce, noodles, and chicken into a pan, stir all ingredients until well mixed, then enjoy!

Ingredients:

• 3-4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
• Prepared pesto
• 2-3 tomatoes
• 1 cup mozzarella cheese

Directions:

• Heat oven to 400 degrees. 
• Either coat the baking dish with oil/cooking spray or cover with aluminum foil. (helps with easy clean up!)
• Lay chicken in a single layer, spread pesto over each breast, then cut 1/2" thick slices of tomatoes to lay on top as well.

• Sprinkle cheese over top, then bake around 30-40 minutes, or until chicken cooked all the way through and enjoy!

 Ingredients:

• 1 jar (26-28 ounces) pasta sauce (any variety)
• 1 package (25-27 1/2 ounces) frozen cheese-filled ravioli
• 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
• 2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese