Beauty And The Babes: parenting

To My Husband On Father's Day.

Father's Day: something I never used to give a second thought about. Growing up, I never really had a father figure in my life. I did however have my wonderful grandmother taking on both roles of a mother and father. For the longest time, that was something I never really talked about, but it bothered me to the core. Late nights of wondering why my parents had given up custody, instead of wanting to take care of me. As I got older I started understanding, but it was right after I had my son that I fully realized what they actually did. I was so appreciative they'd taken that step to give me the best life I wouldn't have been able to receive otherwise.

For the longest time, I just assumed every guy out there was the same as my father. My interpretation of any sort of relationship was that they always ended in disaster, because growing up that's all I had seen. So in my mind, what was the point in even attempting to try at that? That was until I met Tyler.

We became best friends quickly, and for a while that's all we were. I guess him and I were oblivious, because everyone else could tell we both liked each other more than we let on. I knew from the minute I saw him that first day of 8th grade, something was different. I could actually see us being together for a very long time, and I'm positive that's what drew me to him almost instantaneously. The first day of 10th grade, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Looking back it's shocking that's been almost 8 years ago.

High school was a roller coaster, but we made it through. When he left for bootcamp in 2012, it was rocky between us. While he was away, it really gave me time to think about who we were when we weren't together, as well as how far our relationship had come. I think every couple goes through trials like that, which will make or break you. In my opinion, it was eye opening and the turning point that helped me realize I couldn't live my life without him. We got married on October 30th, 2012, while he was home on leave. Unfortunately, a few days later, his orders had him returning to base. In January, I was able to venture up to Virginia, find us an apartment, and we were finally able to start our lives together!

In May of 2013, we found out I was pregnant. I'll never forget the excitement everyone had, especially Ty. He was so overjoyed! Our first visit went very smoothly and afterwards we got the next appointment set up for July 8th. The day finally came and we were so impatient to see our sweet little baby! As soon as we got into the room and she began doing the ultrasound, I could feel that something wasn't right. After a few minutes, she told us there wasn't a heartbeat. That was one of the most traumatic instances Tyler and I have ever experienced. During that time of grieving, Tyler was so remarkable. He became my rock, helped me cope and gave me reassurance that everything was going to be okay. I realized right then how blessed I was to have married such a spectacular guy, and that he was going to be the most exceptional dad.

Later the year in November, we found out that I was pregnant again and were ecstatic! I called the OB's office, and got everything scheduled for the day the baby was going to be exactly 9 weeks along. Since Ty had military training happening that whole month, he sadly had to miss it, but nonetheless couldn't wait for me to tell him all the fantastic news after the visit! A week before my appointment, I had noticed some spotting that brought me worry. Even though I knew it could happen, I didn't want to take any chances where I'd previously gone through the miscarriage. Feeling so overwhelmed with anxiety, on top of being alone, I made a trip to the ER to ease my mind. Before leaving, I was able to talk to Ty and let him know what was going on. He helped calm me and encouraged that everything was going to be okay. He told me that God and our sweet angel was watching over and protecting this baby. I feel so blessed that even hundreds of miles away he'll stop what he's doing to make sure I'm going to be alright. Long story short, everything with our little one was perfect! Seeing that beautiful heartbeat just flickering away for the first time brought me to tears. Once I got home, I was able to tell Ty all the wonderful news. I could hear the relief and delight in his voice. I couldn't wait for his training to be over, him to be home and to have a chance to go with me to see our baby again!

Fast forward to February 2014 and we found out we were having a little boy! Ty was so over the moon with knowing there would be a mini version of him running around the house, that it was almost all he could talk about. Sadly, the day after our gender reveal was when he left on his first deployment. Everything was a whirlwind, especially my emotions. Those next few months took such a toll on us. Looking back I felt that time passed so quickly, but during I felt it drug out to the extremities. There were endless amounts of care packages and letters sent back and forth between us. I loved all the time I spent decorating and filling them up with items he loved. He told me it was similar to getting a Christmas present each month. Having a chance to ship him those items, email each other, and have the occasional phone call helped with making him feel closer, even with the all the distance between us.

Two days before his due date, Daxton made his appearance! After 8 1/2 hours, our little 7 pound 3 ounce 19 3/4 inch bundle of joy was here! Ty was half a world away, but gratefully his boss let him call me 3 times that evening (just FYI on deployment that's such a shocking thing to happen because you rarely get to talk to your loved ones). What I recall most of our conversations was the exhilarating tone in his voice, which I will cherish forever. With all the thrill, there was also longing and desperation to be there with us. As hard as it was on myself, I can't imagine the pain of not being able to see your son brought into this world.

During the months that Ty was away, I was taking care of Dax by myself. That opened my eyes immensely to single parents. Now I'm in no way, shape, or form comparing myself to being single with Ty gone, but it absolutely shed a new light on that for me. You all are some serious superheros and I commend you on all that you do. Taking care of a child is hard work, but doing it alone? It was exhausting to say the least, and that's with me just being a stay at home mom. I can only imagine how it would've been if I had a job, went to school, or had to do both. All the single parents managing to do this, I have so much respect and love for each and every one of you!

In November, Ty arrived back home, and being a first time dad, he was able to be one of the first off the ship! We were so eager for that! I'll never forget the moment he laid his eyes on Dax. The way his face lit up and how amazed he was with our precious boy. The saying "I never knew how much I loved your daddy until I saw how much he loved you" is probably one of the truest statements I've ever read, because the love I had for Ty grew even more that day. Once we got home, I was able to see it even more so. The feeling of finally having your whole family together after months apart is pure bliss.

Since Ty has been back home with us, we've encountered some amusing moments. Watching his first diaper change was comical. Not only did he have to cover his nose because he was unable to handle the smell, he also got peed on which was priceless. There were also the times of just sitting and seeing them play together. Dax loved it when Ty would either make funny sounds or crawl around the floor with him. That would end with him cackling up a storm, thus making both of us have a fit of laughter as well. As of recent, they still do silly things of that nature, more along the lines of playing hide and seek or Ty putting Dax on his shoulders and running up and down the halls together. It tugs at my heartstrings to say the least.

From the time I met Ty and began having thoughts about all the possibilities of our future together, him enlisting into the Navy and being absent part of the time didn't cross my mind for even a second. Military is more or less one of the most challenging lifestyles out there. It's undoubtedly given me more reason to be appreciative for the time that we do get to spend together as a family. I've received comments such as "You knew he was going to deploy," or my absolute favorite, "You signed up for this the day you got married,". You're absolutely right. I knew what I was getting myself into, but that doesn't make it any easier. Never in a million years would I have expected enduring the events we have, but I wouldn't change one thing. All of that has gotten us to the very point we're at today, and honestly I couldn't be happier with our marriage and where we're at in life.

Thankfully the last two years Ty's gotten to spend Father's Day here with us. I'm in awe of being able to see what an incredible dad he is to our son. Watching how he helps him learn, teaching him from right and wrong, and overall giving him unconditional love warms my heart so much. The only words I have left are how much admiration I have for him and to give thanks. Thank you for letting me see what a father and child relationship is supposed to be. Thank you for giving our son what I never had growing up. Thank you for not being the father that's in and out of their child's life. Thank you for not making him wonder what he did wrong or why he doesn't have his dad around. Thank you for always being there, especially those long nights when he either doesn't want to go to bed, or wakes up from a bad dream. Thank you for getting up with me too. Lastly, a tremendous thank you for restoring my faith in something I never thought was possible; a happy marriage, and a father that will always be there.

With the utmost gratitude and appreciation that I could offer,
Your loving wife.

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, by Unknown

Hayden

Dear Young Mama

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Dear Young Mama,

Oh, my sweet young friend, it feels like just yesterday I was in your shoes. Just a teenager, confronted with a stack of positive pregnancy tests and the realization that my life was about to change. Young Mama, when I was where you're at now, I thought I was losing everything. I thought my life was over. Little did I know, and little do you know now, this is all just the beginning.

Young Mama, you're going to be facing some tough decisions soon. You're going to need to put someone else first, even if it means redefining love and doing it on your own. You're going to be deciding how your future is going to pan out... because it all truly matters now. You'll be buying cliche books like What to Expect When You're Expecting (I hid that book behind text books and would secretly read in class). You'll be picking out names and asking yourself, "Am I setting my baby up for hardship later on with this name? Will my child be able to get a good job someday when this name is listed on his resume? Will the kids on the playground be able to rhyme this with something mean?" You'll join chat rooms, website, trackers, and your google history will look ridiculous. None of this will feel like enough to prepare you because you feel like you have no idea what you're doing.

People are going to have so many wonderful things to say to you about this new life you're carrying, Young Mama, but be wary that with the good things come a few harsh words. You will hear cruel things from people you considered friends as well as complete strangers. You're going to lose friends, because this reality is not one a lot of your friends are mature enough to handle. You will have days where you doubt yourself, but please, please Young Mama, don't let all of this get you down. Let this motivate you to be the best you can be. The whispers are temporary, and the hurt is nothing compared to the joy you're preparing inside your womb.

The big day is going to come so quickly, but your last trimester will inch by. You won't sleep, Young Mama, and everyone will be telling you to "sleep now before that baby gets here." You're scared, but you're going to be great as long as you keep in mind that you're working for the greatest gift of all. Suddenly, that gift is going to be presented to you, and you're going to know what love truly is for the first time in your life. A pure being will be in your arms, Young Mama, and it's going to hit you that you're holding a person.

I hope so fervently, Mama, that this is the moment of truth for you if you haven't already experienced it. I hope that you can put all of your love into your sweet little one. I hope that it resonates with you that you can build up a child so much easier than you can mend a broken adult. I hope you're faced with stereotypes and you break the mold. I hope people look up to you for being the hero you truly are. I want all of these things for you, because it's what you and your beautiful baby deserve.

Young Mama, your life is not over, it has merely gained more meaning. My senior year of high school I was a new mother as well, and I don't for a moment regret it. It's doable. I was still able to finish school. I still got to go to my prom. I got to sing in the school choir and I made all A's and B's the year after my child was born. I still had friends, though they were different friends than before I had him. I cultivated so many meaningful relationships the year I gave birth to my best friend, and came to so many crucial realizations that benefit me to this day. It's possible, Young Mama. Things will be tough for you, you know that by now, but this is the most worthwhile thing you are ever going to do. Those first few weeks will be a challenge, but so many beautiful experiences are yet to come. I will never in my life forget the first time my son smiled at me, his first laugh, his first words. I am and always will be his biggest fan. He's my best friend, my heart beating outside of my body. I feel myself beam with pride when he's around. I went through hardship during my pregnancy and during his young years because I, too, was a Young Mama. However, there is nothing I would ever change. Young Mama, you're going to be facing a lot, but know you are important. Know you are immensely loved. Know you serve a purpose. Know that there is always a way, and you can do this.