Whenever breastfeeding is spoken about you only hear how beautiful it is. You only hear how it is such a great bonding experience. "Breast is best" is probably the most common phrase. "Oh, don't worry it's all instinct. It will just kick in and you will be fine. You were made to do this." I was told that countless times while on the fence about whether I was going to formula feed or breastfeed.
    While breastfeeding is beautiful, a great bonding experience, and the most natural, best choice for your baby, it isn't all beautiful. There is a lot of ugly in breastfeeding, and I'm here to let you in on it.  Before I start I want to say that I am in no way downing breastfeeding. I love that I chose to breastfeed. I do not regret that choice.

1. It's painful.
    Take your nipple and twist...as hard as you can. It still hurts more than that. Your nipples will swell, which only makes it more painful. They can bleed and crack, no matter how much nipple cream you apply. They pretty much stay sore. I feel as if I have already used a pound of nipple cream...screaming "WHY DOESN'T THIS STUFF NUMB?" It should numb.

2. You will cry.
    It's not easy. You will just want that baby to be full for more than an hour. You will beg him or her to just let you sleep one more minute. When they are eating for what feels like forever you will just want to crawl in a dark hole. The first time that you almost spill a pumped bottle you will cry. When your child starts to use you as a human pacifier...you will cry.


3. Despite popular belief it isn't all instinct. 
    You aren't going to pop this baby out and just know what to do. Sometimes the baby won't latch. You will try everything and he just won't. You feel like a failure when you have to use a nipple shield. At first sometimes the baby just will not eat. So you do all these skin to skin naps, letting your baby nap on your bare chest,  just to get him or her to eat. I was the mother so against co-sleeping, but Langston would just not eat after I had him. The lactation specialist made me do skin to skin naps and keep trying to get him to eat...and this is what made me want to co-sleep with him forever. Langston has always been okay with sleeping on his own; it's funny because I was the one who just needed him. I would get so much anxiety I would hover the crib for hours just to hear him breathe. He no longer sleeps with me because he thinks he is just too good for his mom, I guess.

4. Your baby may pinch, scratch, or even bite you.
    A lot of babies pinch or scratch while feeding. Langston used to smack my boob really hard once he was done eating. He did it every single time. He would also scratch the crap out of me. It looked crazy; my chest was always red. Babies have more strength then you would imagine.

5. Mastitis.
    Mastitis is an infection in the breast tissue from a clogged milk duct or bacteria. It's very painful. You can have flu like symptoms. Your boob(s) will burn and be sore to touch. If you feel any knots or lumps in your breast while breastfeeding call your OBGYN. Unfortunately, Langston is three months old and I have already had it twice. To say the least it is no fun.

6. Pumping
    If you are an exclusive pumper (EP) then you know the struggle of your life running on the time span of three hours. Every three hours for twenty minutes, at the least, you pump. The first time I pumped I felt crazy looking at how little actually came out, but the body is an amazing thing. Your body produces as much as your baby needs to eat (most of the time). Pumping leaves you sore and it can be painful if you aren't using the correct shield size. Just a tip buy a cheap sports bra and cut two circles in it that way you can stick the funnels through and don't have to hold them the entire time. You can also fold your bra in half and they will also stay!

7. Keeping up your supply.
    Your supply can get low. I vividly remember the first time my supply dropped. Langston freaked out which made me freak out. I felt like the biggest failure because I wasn't producing enough for my child. I researched immediately and learned how to keep my supply up. Eating oatmeal, drinking pineapple juice, and drinking lots of water every day. To be completely honest I don't drink as much water as I should. I live off caffeine. Props to any mother who doesn't need caffeine to survive. Also there are a few things you can buy such as Mother's milk tea, and some supplements, and even lactation cookies. So if your supply gets low don't get discouraged.

8. A human vessel.
    There may be times you feel like a human vessel. A human being is literally feeding off of you. Your entire being is devoted solely to this tiny, demanding human. I felt as if I had lost Chasity and just became Mom. Always take time for yourself, even if it's just three short minutes. Remember yourself so you will keep your sanity.

9. You will want to lunge at anyone who thinks it's easy.
    "All you have to do is put a boob in his mouth"...probably the understatement of the century, but I have been told this a million times by multiple people. Try not to kill anyone who says this. Breathe. Just breathe.


In the midst of all this ugly, breastfeeding is beautiful. It is the most precious bonding experience you will get with your sweet babe. It is worth every single tear, sweat, and blood shed. Any amount of breastfeeding is great for your child, so if you have had or chose to quit for any reason do not feel as if you have failed. You did great for even doing it at all. Just a piece of advice for moms to be who are on the fence as I was...just "mentally prepare yourself". That's the advice I received from my OB and probably the best advice I have gotten. If you mentally prepare yourself then you can do it.
Forever cherish those sweet nursing moments and the hard work we put into breastfeeding (including EP). You are doing your best and that is, in its self, enough.